Sit up so I can take your clothes off
Claudia: Help me. Let’s get him to the couch.
Jason: No. No. I don’t — I don’t — stop. I don’t need any help.
Spinelli: With all due respect, stone cold, this is not your finest hour. The Jackal fears you have been felled by dreaded Asian Ague. So please resist the urge to man up and accept Vixenella’s offer of assistance.
Jason: No, I’m fine.
Claudia: Come on, come on, Jason. Look, you can’t even stand. You want to sit here on the floor, or do you want to let us help you get to the couch? It’s your choice.
Spinelli: The master must lie down and conserve what’s left of his severely sapped strength to fight off the invisible assailant that has worked its way into the very core of your being.
Jason: Ok, I know that you are trying to help me, but I said I’m fine.
Claudia: Ok, get on the phone and call the health department. Find out we’re supposed to do. The number is on the back of the quarantine notice. Jason, you are burning up. You’re dripping with sweat.
Spinelli: Uh, the Jackal has misplaced the pertinent paperwork that was provided prior to be sealed in the Casa de Stone Cold. Oh, gosh, now his master, he’s fighting for his life, and the Jackal is trying to correct an error that have been easily avoided by just heeding the White Knight’s advice and sipping my libation of choice instead of swilling my libation of choice –
Claudia: Ok, ok. Hey, hey, hey. Go — hey, calm down. Calm down, calm down, ok? Take a deep breath. We’re going ot retrace your steps, ok? The guy in the HAZMAT suit, he came in. He gave the notice to Jason, and then you took it from him and then you –
Spinelli: I retreated to the confines of my regrettably pink room to research the debilitating — oh, yes, and I left it on the bed.
Claudia: Ok, good, go.
Claudia: Hey, the kid blames himself. You could try cooperating, making it easier on him, you know.
Spinelli: Um, yes, stone cold has been struck down the highly contagious super bug and requires immediate assistance before succumbing to the said illness.
Claudia: Nobody’s going to die. Hi, sorry about that. What do you need to know? Uh, it’s harbor — harbor view penthouse three, harbor view towers. We were quarantined last night, and now one of us is sick.
Claudia: He is about 6′1″, 185 pounds of pure muscle with the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen in my entire life. They’re deep blue, like, I don’t know. They’re really almost like an indigo blue. Oh, what do you need to know? Physical condition is incredible. Seriously, the guy must spend hours in the gym to get his body to look like that. He’s insanely ripped. I haven’t seen his abs yet, but if they’re anything like his biceps, oh, my god. Any recent injuries or illness?
Jason: No, I said I’m fine. Just hang up the phone. Hang up the phone.
Spinelli: Although stone cold does appear to be a prime physical specimen, you know, when not suffering the ill effects of Asian Ague — actually, he nearly severed tendons in both of his hands performing a daring act of heroism and it required three corrective surgeries to regain function.
Claudia: He’s had three surgeries on his hands, but they look fine now. Any other recent injures or illnesses?
Spinelli: Well, stone cold has cheated death on several occasions after being shot by evildoers seeking to do harm to Mr. Sir and the fair Samantha.
Claudia: Ok, anything near the lungs?
Jason: No, not recently.
Claudia: He was fine a couple of minutes ago, and now he can’t stand.
Jason: No, I can –
Claudia: What’s his temperature? Can you get a thermometer?
Spinelli: The Jackal procured one when he was upstairs in the regrettably pink room. Just hold still for me.
Jason: What are you — ow! What are you doing?
Spinelli: No — it needs to happen, shh. Shh.
Jason: Get that thing away.
Claudia: It’s 102. Ok, if it goes over 104, we need to call an ambulance, get him straight to the hospital. Anything else that I can do to make him feel more comfortable in the meantime? Uh, ok, if that’s what you think is best. I will definitely try to find a way to make that happen. What else? Acetaminophen, lots of fluids, ok. Yep, got it. Thank you so much for your help. Ok.
Jason: Find a way to make what happen?
Claudia: Take care of you. Me and Spinelli are bending over backwards here trying to make you more comfortable. The least you could do is just — just show a little gratitude. Being sick is bringing out the worst aspect of your personality, which I didn’t think was possible.
Spinelli: Fear not, stone cold. The Jackal will have you back on your feet in no time. Here, drink this.
Jason: What is this?
Spinelli: It’s a blend of 19 fruits, including a rare Brazilian berry guaranteed to restore you to optimum health.
Claudia: He’s been exposed to a highly contagious illness. I really don’t think that a Brazilian berry is going to make him better.
Jason: Mmm.
Spinelli: For centuries, people in this particular region of Brazil have prized this particular berry fruit as a source of vitality and health. By stone cold drinking this blend, he is not only getting the antioxidants and vital nutrients he needs to maintain a healthy lifestyle, he’s is also receiving the daily recommended servings of fruit and vegetables in a single glass.
Claudia: Uh, I’m sorry, but i don’t think that your Brazilian berry is any match for the Asian Ague. If it was, Jason would be looking a lot better than he is right now.
Jason: Ahh. More.
Claudia: Hey, you can’t honestly believe that that juice is going to bring your fever down.
Jason: Hey, he’s trying to help. Ok, the least you can do is just be quiet and let him think it is working.
[Crash]
[Spinelli groans]
Jason: What happened?
Spinelli: The Jackal has spilt the last of the life-saving elixir.
Spinelli: While the Jackal may have learned at the feet of the master, it is clear he is incapable of using any of the important Knowledge in any sort of practical application. Sadly, when put to the test, your grasshopper continues to fail, be it as the jackal or as an Aussie in training. You know what? Case in point. Had Damian limited his libations, the jackal would not have needed sustenance to sober up. Thereby, not exposing stone cold to an airborne illness which the Brazilian berry, no doubt, would have remedied, had it ended up in your body not on my shirt.
Jason: Stop, stop, it’s ok. I actually feel — I’m feeling better.
Spinelli: Your slumped posture would imply otherwise.
Jason: I just — I need some rest. I’ll be ok by tomorrow.
Spinelli: But now with Stone Cold assuming the reins of the Corinthos crime empire, what if a crisis is to occur during your convalescence? This is obviously a conversation that should not be had within earshot of Vixenella. I — the jackal apologizes for indiscretion.
Jason: Hey, hey, it’s — it’s all right.
Spinelli: Perhaps the jackal should refrain from offering assistance in the future. Any further attempts, no matter how well-meaning, could prove lethal.
Claudia: Spinelli, nobody’s going to die. All we have to do — we just have — we have to find a way to bring down Jason’s fever. Do you think you could get on the intern and do a little research for me?
Spinelli: Yeah. Yeah, no, um — the jackal shall scour cyberspace looking for a remedy to Stone Cold’s ailment. Hmm.
Jason: That was good the way you calmed him down. He needs to be focused on something.
Claudia: Did you actually just thank me?
Jason: What are you doing?
Claudia: The lady from the health department said a sponge bath might help. Sit up.
Jason: No, no, no. Get away from me.
Claudia: Sit up so I can take your clothes off.
