My father is a psychotic murderer. What’s not to love?
Tracy: Luke, I didn’t expect you back so early.
Luke: No? Since when do you serve tea to out-of-towners?
Claudia: Seems Tracy would like to pay me to stay out of your life. Thing is, I don’t need the money, and I don’t much feel like going.
Luke: Are you sure you want to do this now, Popsicle?
Claudia: You call her “Popsicle”?
Luke: When she’s bad, I call her spanky buns.
Claudia: What does she call you?
Tracy: Deluded for having anything to do with you. I know what Lulu means to you, Luke, so I’m going to paint you a little picture, okay? There’s a boy lying in a hospital bed with his skull shattered. Now, imagine for a moment that that child is not Michael Corinthos, but it’s Lulu — battered, broken, and near death — because that’s what you’re going to have to live with if you allow John access to Lulu.
Claudia: Old “spanky buns” there certainly has a flair for the dramatic, doesn’t she?
Tracy: Lulu’s life is in danger. Hanging around with Johnny is a tragic headline waiting to happen.
Luke: If Lulu chooses to hang with trouble, there is nothing I can do to stop her.
Claudia: But I do like how “Popsicle” there uses Lulu as a cover for being jealous of me.
Tracy: You are a bug on my headlight. You are something stinky on the bottom of my shoe. The only point of this conversation is my stepdaughter, Lulu.
Lulu: What are you guys talking about?
Luke: Your favorite subject, princess — you.
Claudia: Your stepmother would like to pay me to get John to sell his shares of the Haunted Star, but something tells me that’s not going be okay with John. Have a good day.
Lulu: Um, Claudia, I actually saw Sonny this morning, and I told him that Johnny had nothing to do with Michael’s shooting.
Claudia: Why are you telling me this?
Lulu: Because I think Sonny heard me.
Claudia: Good. I hope you’re right.
Tracy: I rest my case. If you don’t get Lulu away from John Zacchara, she’s going to be mob roadkill.
Patrick: Coleman, hit me.
Claudia: This one’s on me.
Patrick: Do you have a relationship with your father?
Claudia: My father is a psychotic murderer. What’s not to love?
Patrick: You know, you’re wrong about Robin on pretty much every level. She’s smart, strong, she hasn’t let H.I.V. ruin her life. She’s got a ton of courage.
Claudia: I just think that it’s selfish to risk passing H.I.V. to a little baby. But, hey, that’s just me. You guys are so in love, why don’t you adopt or, you know, use a surrogate?
Patrick: She wants to carry, nurture, and feed and grow a baby. Modern medicine says she can do it with minimal risk.
Claudia: And you’re okay with that?
Patrick: I never wanted to be a father. Not because of H.I.V., just because. That’s why we broke up.
Claudia: Why did you get back together?
Patrick: A one-night stand and a defective condom.
Claudia: Oh, my God, you think that was a coincidence, don’t you? You were set up.
Patrick: You know, that’s probably your style, but it’s not Robin’s.
Claudia: No, hey, it’s classic. She probably timed your reunion to hit her cycle just right. See, now she’s got the baby that she wanted and the baby-daddy — that would be you — under her thumb. Look, face it, the girl’s not much for looks or personality, but she’s got you snowballed. God, under her thumb.
Robin: Oh, no. You’re in more trouble than I thought.
